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Old 11th November 2010, 01:13 PM
Tash Tash is offline
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Angry Advice with MIL

Hi Ladies

I have a huge problem!! MY MOTHER-IN-LAW!
We alsways had a good relationship... But after Nelise was born, things started to get ugly! It started the very first night of Nelise's birth. Nelise was admitted to the neo-natal ICU and nobody except Janneman and I were permitted to see her. When I explained that they couldn't see her, she accused me of being selfish. She made such a fuss in the hospital that one sister eventually allowed her to see Nelise for a few seconds. She immediately called my mom and bragged that she was the first grandmother to see Nelise! (How cruel!!)
After Nelise was released from hospital, I suffered from post natal deppression and had so much anxiety. I didn't trust anyone with my baby... Nelise struggled to drink and keep the milk in, so I only trusted myself to see that Nelise got enough to drink. She phoned constantly and wanted to know why I didn't want to leave the baby with her for an entire day! So, one day I eventually left Nelise with her to go shopping for a few hours and to get some sleep and she did't give her a drop to drink. She told me that the child was only crying because she was fussy (meanwhile she was straving because she didn't have anything to drink for 6 hours!!).
She constantly calls herself Nelise's mother (not grandmother) and makes stupid "jokes" that Nelise loves her more and that she will go to court to fight me for the rights to be Nelise's 'mother'. When I complain to her, Janneman and my father-in-law, they tell me that she is only making jokes and that she loves the child so much. I tink she has an obsession. Also when we go to visit she grabs the child from me and I am not allowed to hold my child when she is there. It does not help to talk to her, she gets hysterrical!
I am mad, sad and don't know what to do. Some days I feel like I can just take my child and run as far away from her as I possibly can.
Please ladies give me advice....

Tash
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Old 11th November 2010, 01:33 PM
Keisha Keisha is offline
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Hi Tash,

First of all, (((HUGS))) to you. It can't be easy going through this. Also, you should be over the moon with your baby finally in your arms.

My 2cent's worth: Find a quiet and calm time to discuss this with DH. Tell him how you feel without getting upset. Make him understand that his mother is making it hard for you to want your baby spending time with her. She's your baby and you're excited to have her in your life. Her jokes are hurtful and you don't appreciate them.

Don't discuss it with him infront of your mother-in-law and father-in-law. Try to have a calm conversation with him in private. This is a wonderful opportunity for the two of you to enjoy a new addition to your family.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.
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Old 11th November 2010, 01:40 PM
Tash Tash is offline
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Thanks Keisha!!
I will try to talk to him. I just hate it when I always start crying when I have to talk about such things.

I have been following your posts... I really hope that you get your BFP! I will send up a prayer for you! Have hope...
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Old 11th November 2010, 01:43 PM
Keisha Keisha is offline
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Thanks Tash. Every prayer counts.

Try to be calm. But have that conversation. Be honest with him about your feelings. All the best, and I'll be praying for you too.
__________________
Me 36/DH 37
9yr old LG, love of my life (not biological, God given)
2 beautiful angels in heaven: 2009
2 X Failed IUI in 2010
2 X Failed IVF in 2010
Natural BFP after lap in Feb 2011


Thanking God for my miracle.


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Old 11th November 2010, 02:49 PM
philipajane philipajane is offline
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Tash sounds terrible. I agree with Keisha. You must talk to your DH about it. That kind of relationship with a grandchild doesn't sound healthy. Grandparents should be there to support and love. Not take your place or make you feel so uncomfortable.
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Old 11th November 2010, 04:16 PM
Jana Jana is offline
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Hi Tash

Big hugs girl you don't deserve a mother-in -law like this (actually no one does)!! My grandmother was like that with my mom over me but my mom (single parent then) just stuck to her guns.

If you find it difficult discussing this with DH why not write him a letter that you can either read to him or give to him to read? Not all of us are good with this kind of thing so we have to find other ways to express ourselves.

Stick to your guns, you are a great mommy. Don't let anybody tell you anything else!!!

Strongs
Jana
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Old 12th November 2010, 06:30 AM
Tash Tash is offline
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Thanks for the advice... I even had nightmares last night about it. I think I will write a letter to DH. I get too emotional sometimes and then I don't even say half the things that is really on my mind.

I hope you ladies have supportive MIL's... if not, there is a very funny mother-in-law voodoo doll for sale at Cardies! My brother actually bought me one yesterday! I laughed so much. Nothing too wicked... Only voodoo like making her fart in public and things like that. Some comic relief!!

Have a great day!!
You are all such angels.

Tash
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October 2009: Pregnant!! What a miracle! (after 3 years, 5 months)
Nelise born on 2010/05/25

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Last edited by Tash; 15th November 2010 at 01:33 PM.
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  #8  
Old 15th November 2010, 10:41 AM
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Elize Elize is offline
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Hi Tash,

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time with your MIL. It's not fair to you and since you're Nelise's mother she needs to back off. There is no option in this, your DH has to support you. I know this might sounds cliched, but I believe that seeing a psychologist will help you tremendously. Your therapist will give you the tools to set gentle boundaries which your MIL will have to respect, and your DH needs to have your back. You will also get feedback and some much needed perspective. Your MIL needs to know that certain behavior/jokes/comments are off limits.

As for writing your DH a letter, I think it's a good idea. I also tend to get very emotional when I'm addressing something that's causing me a lot of hurt so I've often found that writing a letter helps me.

Good luck hon, I hope this situation gets better. I hope your DH does not dismiss your feelings as overreactions and diminishes your pain by not taking you seriously. Feeling heard goes a long way in healing your hurt.
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  #9  
Old 26th January 2011, 07:25 PM
L Janet R L Janet R is offline
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Default MIL - aiiiiiiii

its hard dealing with MIL
I also don't know what to do...
My MIL is obsessed with my weight and it hurts me so much everytime she has a remark. I really go out of my way to be extra nice to my parents in Law
I had lots of problems when i was married before so I told myself this time would be different. My ex's mother used to be rude and I would just sit there and smile but it seems I have had my limit of that
My hubby is visiting them at the moment but I just dont want to see her.
After trying to get pregnant for a year I fell pregnant and the first thing she said is... Please dont pick up more weight
She used to phone once a week to hear if "it" is still there
I miscarried at 9 weeks
I decided to stop TTC to get over the pain of losing another baby so after a year I told her on Sunday that we are thinking of starting again
She said that I was to overweight to consider having a baby and that I shoud loose weight first.
If i was really badly overweight it might not have been so bad but I dont think I look that bad. I am not petite I am tall and come from a big family for heavens sake I wear a size 9 shoe and Im 5'9. I wear a size 12/14 My hubby is happy and Im fine ( would mind loosing a few pounds but have PCOS so its hard) Why cant she just leave me alone??
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  #10  
Old 27th January 2011, 03:14 PM
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Jooste Jooste is offline
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Janet-
Jeezzz, your MIL also sounds like a little bit of a witch! If you and your DH are comfortable with your weight...it has NOTHING to do with her. Let me guess....she is also not rake-thin?? Maybe she is taking out her frustrations about her own weight on you?
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